Present Over Perfect

Present Over Perfect

I saw this book cover, Present Over Perfect by Shauna Niequist. The title sparked something for me. This is about that something, not the book.

The most requested topic to write about in my blog was Parenting. And I thought… do people think I’m a good parent?

I’m a horrible parent!

Truth be told, I’m not that bad. I know worse. At the very least, I take care of my kids, do fun things with them, and cover all the the mommy basics. I also know that they’re probably going to need therapy in the future for ways that I’ve screwed them up— but I’m screwed up, so it was bound to happen! My dysfunctional family life and the childhood trauma I’m still dealing with will reflect upon my kids in some way. But I trust that as I grow, learn, and do better, they will reap the benefits. So I’m hopeful.

Anyways.

Parenting.

If you really knew me, you would know that I don’t suck at things. I just don’t. I’m such a perfectionist that I don’t leave a lot of room for sucking. In fact, if I find that I suck at something, I just don’t do it. However, I SUCK at parenting. But I can’t stop doing that (I’m not that jacked up) so I have to work it out. 9 times out of 10 I allow my perfectionism to get in the way of just BEING. Especially when it comes to being a mom. I get caught up in not feeding my kids the right foods, letting them watch too much television, yelling at them, letting them stay in the pajamas all day, forgetting to read with them. It’s exhausting.

But one thing I’ve learned that extends some care and grace to myself is that I don’t have to be a perfect mom. I just have to be their mom. That’s it. Full stop. I believe a lot of parental perfectionism comes from this belief that our children are a reflection of us. And I just don’t believe that. Our children are JUST THEMSELVES. Yea they look like us (in biological situations) and may act like us and may say and do things we say and do. But, can we dare to believe that our children are… human… with personalities and fears and beliefs that have nothing to with us? I think if we get out of our heads enough we’ll realize that if we just see our little ones for humans they are, then it’s quite easy to just be present for them.

So this idea of being present over perfect is the perfect parenting advice. Just be there.

So now I think I may go read that book…

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