Sometimes you have to encourage yourself...

I saw a meme the other day.  It said, "Please stop encouraging black women to be confident if all y'all gone do is spend time trying to humble her.  Leave us TF alone."

I felt this to my core.

As a Black American woman moving in many white spaces in the non-profit world, I've experienced trepidation with being my authentic self out of fear that my confidence will "scare" people.  Now, I can go on and on about imposter syndrome and white supremacy culture norms, and heteronormative culture norms, and gender roles, but I won't.

Not today.

What is most important to explain is that THAT SHIT HURTS (excuse my language).  It is so hurtful and harmful to feel or experience someone trying to dim your light.  I can't control my brightness.  It comes from my passion, drive, confidence, and motivation; from a magical place that's unexplainable but noticeable.  And when you hear from co-workers, colleagues, friends, and love ones that you need to "calm down" or "be humble" or to "step back," it turns into feelings of abandonment, isolation, and feeling and being unlovable.

Feels like a stretch?  I don't think so.  Let me put it another way…

There's a quote that goes, "our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.  Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.  It is our light, not our darkness, that most frighten us."  I believe that that same fear that may live in us also lives in those around us- a fear that we can't be controlled; a fear that our "beyond measure" will leave people behind.  Women (especially black women) are often taught to live small; to make space for others… and for a long time, I was doing just that.

I am guilty of knowing my worth, my largeness, my POWER and intentionally operating at 50% to make folx comfortable.  I am guilty of dimming my light so I don't have to deal with "being humbled."  I am guilty of letting the fear of others project onto me, confusing it for fear I thought I had within. But no more. 

My brother once told me that my 50% was others 100%.  He told me that I am incapable of doing things below 100% for things I am passionate about because I am that GREAT!  My brother is no longer with me in the earthly sense.  And his absence made me realize that sometimes you have to encourage yourself.  WE, BOSS QUEENS, do not have the luxury of waiting for someone to pour into us. 

Dare I say it?  We don't need someone to pour into us!  We already have it. 

In fact, we've been conditioned to believe that living small is better, that we're doing too much, that our confidence is toxic or conceit, and that we exist at the pleasure of others.  NOT! 

Let me tell you, sis.  You are the most BEAUTIFUL, CONFIDENT, AMAZING, LOYAL, MAGICAL, INTELLIGENT, CLASSY, LEGENDARY QUEEN THAT EVER EXISTED.  Be confident.  Be YOU.